I wake up today at 5:30 again, feeling wide awake. Today is my last real walking day - we've planned to have a long 37 kilometer day today to see what it's like, and end up 5 kilometers from Santiago de Compostela so that we can enter the city at sunrise tomorrow. At my alarm, I get out of bed and start packing my bag. I'm ready by 6:00 and decide to head out alone.
The town is dark and I walk by the light of the street lamps until I need to use my headlamp. The town ends on a steep hillside, and I get one last view of Ribadiso before continuing on. The large hills on the other side of the town make a sort of valley, and the sight is beautiful. The sun isn't even close to rising yet and the stars are mostly covered by clouds. I continue on, passing the 40 kilometer marker. 40 kilometers! That's a day's walk away. There's about 24 hours until I reach my destination. That thought hits me and I walk while thinking about how close I am to the end of this journey.
I walk along a wide street, and few cars pass me. Soon I'm entering the city of Arzúa, where I hope to find a cafe. I'm out of food and Ribadiso was too small to have a grocery store. I find a cafe that's just opening as I pass, so I enter and order myself a cafe con leche and a cheese potato tortilla. I eat peacefully, and soon Sam turns up. Margaret, Dan, and Sergio are close behind and all join as well. We sit and eat together, talking about how close we are. How crazy! It feels so odd for the journey to be coming to an end. But, like all good things, this too must end.
I continue on alone, and the sun has already risen for the most part. Due to the clouds, the sunrise wasn't visible. I leave the city and enter the outskirts of town that pretty accurately describes the entire day's walk. The forest surrounding me is frequently broken up by plots of farmland with houses on them, and the occasional small town. I catch a glimpse of the end of the sunrise breaking through the clouds at the top of a hill, and I take a moment to admire it.
I decide to listen to another chapter of He Leadeth Me. The chapter is amazing; it outlines Father Walter's moment of despair after a year of interrogations, after he broke and was driven to sign documents admitting to crimes he didn't commit. The interrogators used those against him as leverage, forcing him to admit to even more that crimes he didn't commit, further increasing his sentence and giving them the ability to cast the Church in a bad light. After this moment of despair, Father Walter realizes his utter lack of ability to do anything without God's help. He realizes that without God, he is nothing. This moment of seeing himself in this true light gives him the grace to ask God to never abandon him. In this moment, he is filled with consolation, and crosses a border that he had never crossed before; he hands over to God his complete trust, completely and entirely without reservations. He removes himself entirely from his will, seeking only God's will, and vows to accept everything that comes to him as God's will. Thus, he can be at peace, trusting that whatever happens is God's will, and trusting that if there is a moment he must act, God's grace will prompt him to do so.
Listening to this chapter gave me plenty to reflect on. Do I truly trust God? How much? How pure is my trust? How much of myself is in my own will? Do I seek to do God's will, or are my actions tainted by pride and self-fulfillment? I think on this for a long time, and ask God to purify me of my own self-seeking tendencies just as He purified Father Walter of his. Whatever it takes, that total humility and radical conformity to God's will is what I want. After praying about it for a while, I realize that of course God would want to give me this grace. I need only trust that He will, in His time and His own way, and not worry about the details. I must simply live each day to the best of my abilities, with the strength and wisdom that God gives me, and take all events as coming from God's hand. God's will is not out there floating somewhere for me to find; it is in the tangible events of the 24 hours of the day that He provides. In this way will God form me into who He wants me to become. As with everything in the spiritual life, it will be a slow and continual process. There will likely be no grand moment or no huge lightning bolt revelation. But I'm okay with that. God knows best, and I must commit every day to trust in that.
Soon, I come to a "beer garden" area. It's a beautiful grassy field with plenty of picnic tables and a cafe. I talk for a bit to the lady who own the place; she's from Florida. I ask her about how she came to own it and how it's changed over the decade she's been here. She's very nice and tells me all about it. I then go into the cafe, and Margaret joins a few minutes later. Eva and Annemiek are already inside. I get a coke and talk with them all. The topic of the day, it seems, is how close we are to Santiago. We can't stop marveling at the fact that, after over 700 kilometers and 30 days, we're basically there! We reflect on the good times and our favorite parts.
I continue on, and as I walk, a man says hello to me in Spanish. We talk for a moment before he asks if I'm better at English, and we then switch to English. His name is Philip and he's from Germany. He seems like a very kind man and we talk about where we're from, why we're doing the Camino, how we heard about it, and all the other classic pilgrim questions. He's walking with a group of Spaniards, and they decide to stop at a cafe. I decide to stay with Philip for the moment. We continue talking inside, and once he learns I've been walking from St Jean, he asks all about the journey and how it's been. It's fun to reflect on it and how things have changed throughout the course of the pilgrimage. Eventually, I decide I should head on; I still have over 20 kilometers to go, and it's nearing 11:00. I say goodbye to Philip and his friends and head on.
As I walk, I'm struck with gratitude and I thank God for the beautiful adventure He's brought me on here in Spain. I admire all the nature around me. The gentle breeze blowing in my ear, the beautiful forest and the unique trees covered in vines, the leaf-covered forest floors, the fields of wildflowers. It's all so beautiful to me in that moment, and I spend it simply thanking God and admiring His creation.
I spend the next hour or two pushing to improve my pace a little bit. I still have plenty of kilometers to go, and I don't want to turn in too late. I listen to another chapter of He Leadeth Me about Father Walter's harsh re-introduction to the world after 5 years of solitary confinement, when he was sent to the Siberian slave labor camps for 15 years. It's very fascinating to listen to.
I soon catch up to Margaret, who's tending to her feet on a picnic table. I join her and we walk, talking about what we've reflected on for the day. I ask her what her biggest realizations were on the Camino, and we both talk about it. Our biggest realizations are sort of the same; she said that she's learned that everything will work out and not to worry, and I said that my realization is about trusting God. That gets us on the topic of Christianity, and we discuss the Catholic-Christian worldview and idea of God and how the world, us, and everything else was be created. We also discuss the idea of truth and what that means. We disagree on these topics, and we've talked about this before, but it was a good discussion to have anyways. I really enjoy these kinds of discussions, as it helps me to understand my own beliefs even better, as well as the beliefs of others.
As we walk largely through forests of tall, skinny Eucalyptus trees, it starts to rain. I put my rain gear on and we continue on, talking about whatever comes up. We talk about our favorite or most interesting people we've met on the Camino, our favorite experiences and days, and a lot else.
The last few towns haven't had much open, and we start getting hungry. I spot a store that might be open, and it is. We enter to find one of the most odd food places we've ever seen. It's large and only half in use, and the half in use really only has cake and wine. The kind lady working lets us try some of the cake. It wasn't the kind of store we were expecting though, so we leave. We joke about how it seemed like a store that would be a glitch in the matrix; it was just so different and odd. It was definitely a funny experience!
We walk through plenty more forest, and time starts to pass more quickly. The rain persists. Margaret and I alternate between talking and walking in silence.
We soon find an open cafe. Finally! We sit inside and each get a cafe con leche and a slice of tortilla. It's especially good since I haven't had a proper lunch. After this quick break, it's time to continue once again; only 4 more kilometers until our destination, and 9 to Santiago! Seeing the distance markers under 10 kilometers is yet another shock. I'm so close!
The last hour flies by and soon we arrive to our destination, Monte Do Gozo, at 4:45. There's a park with a hill right next to our albergue, and I climb to the top, realizing it overlooks Santiago. I can see the cathedral from on top of it! I stand in awe, looking at the final destination of my pilgrimage. It's so close that it's within sight!
Margaret and I check into the albergue, and find the group of 100 high schoolers that we had seen back in Sarria a few days ago. I guess we caught up to them. They're very loud and fill every room in our building that's not our room. There are 8 beds to a room in this albergue though, so it's smaller than the usual, which is nice. I get my bed together and take a shower, then hang out in bed while waiting for Sam to arrive.
Sam arrives after a little while, around 6:20. He sets his bag down and then we all head off together to find some food. We're starving! We check three places, and none are open, until finally finding an open restaurant. I get lasagna and a coke, and the lasagna is surprisingly fantastic! I don't want to sound ungrateful, but the food in Spain really isn't that good. So getting a delicious dish in a restaurant is quite the treat!
After dinner, it's about 8:00. I head up the hill again to pray while looking out at the city. It's dark now, and the lights of the city brighten the clouds in the sky. My clothes ripple in the gusts of wind, and a light drizzle falls from the sky. I sense some inner conflict within myself. This moment should be peaceful, or joyful. Why do I feel conflicted? As I think about it, I realize that I do not want the adventure to be over. I've loved life on the Camino. The simplicity of walking, eating, hanging out with friends, and walking all over again is beautiful. The Camino shows you just how little you need to be happy. My body is also just getting to the point where I feel that I could go any distance. The 37 kilometers today haven't even left me tired. Why stop now? But, as I reflect on all this and confront this inner conflict, I realize that the adventure is not really over. This chapter may be, but my ordinary life is the true adventure. Just as each day on the Camino may not have been grand individually, neither will the days of the larger adventure of life be. But there is greatness in living a simple, good life with consistency and with great love. The Camino as a whole was as grand experience, and I know my life will be as well. I find a sense of peace in this outlook, knowing that the adventure I return to at home is just as important and necessary as the one I've lived out here in Spain. I feel a great sense of gratitude for the lessons God has taught me on this pilgrimage, and an excitement and eagerness to bring these lessons to my ordinary daily life, and especially to the upcoming new phase of my life. I think this was the best preparation I could have asked for, and God has surely guided me every step of the way!
I decide to end my hilltop prayer with a rosary. I pray while kneeling on the grass and reflecting on the sorrowful mysteries. On the final mystery, Jesus's Crucifixion, I picture Jesus hanging on the cross in front of me, looking down at me. I imagine Him say the words "I thirst." I know He thirsts for the love of His people, and I have tried hard to bring those I have walked with just a step closer to God. But as I think this, I realize Jesus also thirsts for me. This pilgrimage was not about other people. It was my journey, my pilgrimage. As much as God may have wanted me to introduce Him to others, that was not the ultimate goal. The goal was to grow in love for God and to deepen my trust in Him, to open my spiritual eyes to see the world around me as He sees it. I imagine God's love for me in particular. I look up at the vast sky, and know that despite being a tiny creature in an unending vastness of creation, the God of this very universe, the Creator of all, loves me. I, who betray His love time and time again, every day, with my selfishness. I, who have done nothing to warrant His love. I, whose good deeds and actions were only ever made possible by cooperating with His grace in the first place. He loves me. I rest in this moment, allowing the rain drops to hit my face, and feel peace. Whatever comes next, I can rest easy knowing it comes from His loving hand. All I must do is recommit daily to see all things as God's will in my life, and continue to lean into my trust in God, knowing He will take care of all my needs.
After my prayer, I descend the hill and talk to Mikayla for a few minutes on the phone. The excitement to see her is ever growing, and I can't believe that I'll be home in less than four days! We say goodnight and then I write my blog in the albergue common area before heading to bed at 12:00, thankful for a great and reflective day. Tomorrow, we march into Santiago at dawn. And as always, I can't wait to see what God has in store!