Note: I wrote the majority of this post on the flight home but hadn't finished it until now.
I wake up today at 7:45. It's my final day in Spain! My plan is to check out the museums, go to Mass, and spend time with my friends before we all part ways. I get up and shower, and then head to a nearby cafe with Eva. It's nice not to have to worry about getting my pack all together, since I have one more night at the albergue.
Eva and I get coffee and sit while we both write. I write my blog post and she writes an article about the Camino for her hometown's local newspaper. We talk a little bit and mention some favorite moments from the last few days. Sam, Margaret, and Annemiek trickle in and soon we move outside to find a larger table. We all talk over our coffee and pastries, still stunned by how fast it all went by. It’s nice to enjoy one last morning cafe con leche with my friends.
After breakfast, we take a short walk through the city before arriving to the pilgrim’s office chapel. There’s an English Mass at 10:30 and Sam, Dan, Eva, and I are attending. We sit inside and wait for Mass to begin while admiring the simple yet elegant art and altarpiece. There’s a statue that I find particularly interesting: it’s of Mary holding Jesus, and Mary is wearing the classic pilgrim outfit.
Mass is amazing! It’s so moving to be able to understand Mass again, and I’m moved to tears by the hymn we sing before Mass even begins. I know what’s going on even when it’s in Spanish, but the beauty of the prayers and structure of Mass was striking in a new way now that I could understand the words for the first time in over a month. The priest saying Mass, Father Manny, is from the Philippines and served as a priest in the Philippines, the United States, and now in Santiago. He has us introduce ourselves and say where we’re from and where we started our pilgrimage. There are a lot of Americans and Canadians!
Father Manny’s homily is especially moving. He speaks about the Camino and life moving forward now that the journey is over, which is exactly what I needed to hear. His homily is beautiful and it moves me to silent tears all over again. He talks about the very same issue I was praying about the night before I reached Santiago. He says that the Camino is not an escape from real life, but rather that life is the real Camino. It can be scary returning back to ordinary life after such an experience, but if we see life as the real Camino, the real adventure, then heading home is really just a new chapter. We have come on pilgrimage to learn important life lessons and to learn more about God and ourselves, and now it’s time to apply it to the true Camino.
Father Manny gives a beautiful analogy: on the Camino, what guides us is the yellow arrows. You can’t go 10 minutes without seeing a yellow arrow as long as you’re on the right path. You can continue down the right path whether or not you the yellow arrows, but they’re always there. But when you start to look for them and can’t find them, you know you’ve strayed from the true path. This is like God in our lives. God is always leading us and guiding us down the right path. If you look for Him, you can find Him everywhere in your life. But you can also float through life without searching Him out or letting Him guide you. And soon enough, if you’re not being careful about which path you’re taking by searching for God’s guidance, it is inevitable that you will stray down the wrong path. Only in searching for God’s guidance will you find the right path again.
After the homily, Father Manny gives us an opportunity to light a candle and either say our petition out loud or in the silence of our hearts. Everyone lights one, and it’s beautiful to hear the petitions everyone has been walking for.
After Mass ends, we sing one final hymn together and then Father Manny invites us all to coffee. We eagerly join and he leads us to a cafe next to the cathedral. We all get coffee or coke, and the servers fulfill a traditional Galician custom - free tapas. They bring out a big plate of chorizo sandwiches. Then a big plate of tortilla slices. Then a plate of sweet pastries, then empanadas. We get four entire plates of food for just ordering a few coffees! I think it helped that they knew Father Manny, but I’m still in awe. I enjoy great conversation and great food, and we all share our Camino experience. A man named Dan had walked the Camino from south Spain, starting in Sevilla, and said he only saw a handful of pilgrims in the entire 40+ day journey. What a different experience!
After our coffee with Father Manny, we head to the plaza square to spend some time with Margaret before she goes. She’s leaving on a flight tonight to visit her sister in the Canary Islands off the coast of Spain. We spend some time in the square, looking at the cathedral as a light drizzle falls from the sky. We talk about our favorite moments from the Camino, and enjoy our final few minutes as a whole group. Then we walk to a Korean restaurant to join Woody, Yeondo, and Cedric for lunch.
Margaret waits to leave until we’re all together, then she gives everyone hugs, says her goodbyes, and walks off. It was an odd feeling! 33 days together and now she’s gone. We ended up walking every stage together, always stopping at the same towns. She was a great Camino partner, and we worked well together! She’s the first of the group to leave, and I’ll be the second. I don’t envy whoever is last. It’s tough to see a friend you’ve spent so much time with walk away, not knowing if or when you’ll see them again.
After Margaret leaves, Eva, Annemiek, and Luis head to a different vegetarian restaurant. That leaves me, Cedric, Sam, Dan, Yeondo, and Woody. We enjoy some fantastic Korean food together, sharing different entrees. The general mood is more solemn now, I think partly because we’re realizing that we’ll all be away from each other soon, and also because we’re all so tired. When you only have a few days left with people you aren’t sure you’ll ever see again, you sacrifice sleep to spend more time with them. And now I’m tired.
We walk back from the restaurant and I head to the cathedral museum with Dan. We buy our ticket and check out the three floors of exhibits. It’s mostly old statues that they found hidden or lost from the cathedral. After spending some time in there, I leave to quickly see the pilgrims’ museum as well. It’s very interesting. It explains the phenomenon of pilgrimages, the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage specifically, and shows artifacts and history from the pilgrimage over the centuries. It’s quite a neat place. They have a room with a picture from practically every stage of the Camino Francés, which brings back a flood of memories. Feeling reflective, I decide to head to the cathedral for prayer and Adoration. I find Sam in the cathedral and he joins me.
As I pray in the Adoration chapel, I confront the fact that I’m feeling very solemn today, enhanced by my exhaustion. My friends are leaving, and the journey is over. Soon I’ll be home. I really wish I could keep walking, but of course I can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to see my friends or family, or get back to my ordinary life. I love my life, and I’m very excited to return to it. But I guess I’m just mourning the end of the pilgrimage all over again, especially due to the imminence of needing to say goodbye to my wonderful friends I’ve spent so many days on end with. And also to say goodbye to the long days of simple walking, enlightening prayer, and hour after hour spent with God. I know I can keep these things and incorporate them in my life: I very much intend to do so. I think prayer walks will become an important staple in my life. But it won’t quite be the same.
As I think all this, I realize that I’m doing it again. If I worry about the loss of these things, am I trusting in God? Didn’t I resolve to accept whatever comes my way as coming from His hand? God should be my source of consolation and of joy. Of course, it’s far more difficult to put this into practice rather than resolve to do it when it’s in the abstract. But I’m glad that I realize it in the moment and have the opportunity to recommit to accepting everything as God’s will. And I’m also glad that, consciously or subconsciously, I recognized my need for silent prayer due to my renewed inner conflict. That’s another thing that I will be taking home with me.
I also reflect on one of the earliest conversation topics between Margaret, Dan, and I, as we were walking into Burgos. Do I want to live a comfortable life? A comfortable life is a life without challenges. Never leaving your comfort zone means little opportunity for growth. It also means little opportunity to trust in God. And that is the one area I wish to grow the most in. It does feels that as soon as I have gotten fully comfortable in the pilgrimage, in all aspects physical, mental, and spiritual, it has come to an end. But maybe that’s the way it was meant to be. If I had gotten comfortable too much earlier, how much would I have grown? And now that the adventure is over, a new one begins, and I have new opportunities to grow all over again.
Reflecting on all of this leads me to realize something I have already known, but in a new light. All my longings will be fulfilled by God alone. Yes, I long to walk more. I long for more adventures, for more growth. But these longings all point back to God. He’s at the heart of these longing: the walking, the adventures, the growth and time with friends. These are all rooted in God in the first place. This is especially obvious if I recognize that all events in my life are God’s will for me. Realizing this truth I had already known within the new context of my Camino brings me much peace. I long for these things that I cannot have, at least not now or not in the way that I want. But God knows best, and He will fulfill my longings far better than I ever could myself. As long as I seek Him out in every situation, every prayer, and every day of the ordinary journey of life, He will see that I am fulfilled. Maybe not in the way that I want, but definitely in the way that I need. I can’t wait to see this play out in my future missionary work! I have no doubts that God will provide me with many opportunities to grow, especially in trusting in Him, and I think that this pilgrimage has prepared me well.
As I reflect on all this, I realize I’m almost falling asleep. The exhaustion has really set in. At 6:30, Sam and I leave the Adoration chapel and return to the same cafe as earlier. Luis joins us as we run into him on the way, and we each get a coke. We talk about how our day has been. It’s Luis’s final full day in Santiago, and Sam’s second to last. Then, at 7:00, Sam and I head to the original cathedral entrance for a tour of the Portico of Glory.
The Portico of Glory was the original entrance to the cathedral, up until 2014. Due to recent restoration projects, they closed it and opened this tour instead. The original doors to the cathedral have been removed, and a facade has been built to preserve the statues over the original doorway from the weather. This entrance is now only ever used when important people come to Santiago. It also houses two of the statues included in the old pilgrim’s arrival tradition. The three things a pilgrim would do upon arriving to the cathedral was putting their hand on the middle stone pillar at the entrance, tap your head to the statue of the man who built the cathedral, and then hug the back of the statue of Saint James in the altarpiece. The first two are no longer allowed, due to the deterioration of the stone pillar with a hand print in it and the statue of Master Mateo, whose forehead is partially rubbed away. Still, it was cool to see the statues and learn the history.
Soon, the 7:30 Mass is about to begin. As we exit the cathedral and round it once more to enter the proper entrance, Aya runs up from behind. She’s just arrived to Santiago! The three of us enter the cathedral and find a seat. The Mass is beautiful, complete with singers and use of the organ. Once it ends, I spend my last few minutes in the cathedral. I won’t be able to return again once it closes. I kneel in prayer, calm, admiring the altarpiece. Then I complete the ritual of hugging the statue of Saint James and thanking him for his intercession. And with that, I leave the cathedral.
Sam finds me outside and we grab kebabs to go. We return to the albergue to spend the last few hours with my friends. Aya, Dan, Eva, Annemiek, Luis, and a new guy named Jeonkeun are sitting and eating dinner in the common area. We eat together, getting to know Jeongkeun and hearing about his 1000km journey from south Spain. For one final time, we all share our favorite memories and lessons learned on the Camino.
Sam gets to bed and Dan goes out to meet Sergio before he leaves. Then, Luis starts playing Aya’s ukulele. It’s a beautiful way to end the night. Eva has an absolutely incredible voice, and Luis is fantastic at the guitar and ukulele, so they play and sing songs and the rest of us joyfully join in. We end with one final song that Luis has consistently played on the Camino: “Gracias por la vida.” It’s a funny song. It’s beautifully simple, and the song sounds as if it will end every time a verse is completed. But it always goes one more time, one more time. Luis can keep it going for as long as he wants, and he does. We sing the final verse over and over and over and over, not wanting it to end. But end it does. Then the goodbyes begin. I hug each and every one of them, even Jeongkeun who I just met, and say what’s on my heart. I’ll miss them all. Luis’s simple yet elegant life insights. Eva’s happy go lucky and welcoming attitude, her witty jokes. Aya’s eternal smile and contagious laugh. Sam’s beautiful bluntness and amazing ability to be a social glue between all people. Dan’s constant kindness, relaxed demeanor, and great ability for holding an intellectual conversation. Margaret’s goofy jokes and easygoing friendliness. Sean’s kind heart and calm smile. These people helped to make my Camino the fantastic adventure that it was, and I will forever be grateful for their friendship and the many, many memories we created together. I don’t think I’ll ever forget any one of them.
What an amazing adventure God has graced me with.
And now, the next chapter of the adventure has begun.
The pilgrimage to my eternal home begins anew.